♚i think i miss...

Πέμπτη, 28 Ιανουαρίου 2010
If your right hand is causing you pain
Cut it off cut it off
If your colours have started to run
Let them all run, run away from you
There is lightning in this room
Above our heads waiting to strike
Im a thinker not a talker
Put your faith, your faith in God

We were hoping for some romance
All we found was more despair
We must talk about our problems
We are in a state of Flux

Id kill for an adventure
Just you and I in the Curzon Bar
Dancing till we knew
So all that we've learnt disappeared
When you shouted at me
I saw my father in the second grade
Concerned and kind
But yet unable to reach me

We were hoping for some romance
All we found was more despair
We must talk about our problems
We are in a State of Flux

bloc party-lyrics-flux

♚mein herz schlagt nicht mehr weiter

Τρίτη, 26 Ιανουαρίου 2010
Θέλω απλά να κοιμηθώ για την υπόλοιπη αιωνιότητα.

♚ Mania Sackville

Σάββατο, 23 Ιανουαρίου 2010
I am Mania Sackville, daughter of a well known judge named Benjamin Sackville and his wife Cecil Valmont daughter of a great businessman. They both were born and raised in London but after they got married they moved and lived in Santa Monica. That’s where I was born and raised.

My father’s favorite word: “cruelty”
I always think that has a nobler ring to it…He draws profits from the most desperate men to the most well-named ones. He makes no exceptions in the name of profit. “Shame is like pain…you only feel it once” he used to say. He redeems others if he wants but also is redeemable as long as you can make him an offer that cannot be ignored.

My mother’s favorite word: “dominate”
“You are a woman. Women are obliged to be far more skillful than men” she used to say. Her father left her everything in his will. She is the heiress of a huge but blood-stained, filthy inheritance she collected with deceit and manipulation.

Religious and strict both of them. It’s religion that attracts the most rotten people after all...giving them the illusion and the comfort they need to ease their guilt and manage to bare their wicked nature.

When I came out into society I was 15. I already knew that the role I was condemned to, namely to keep quiet and do what I was told, gave me the perfect opportunity to listen and observe. Not to what people told me, which naturally was of no interest, but to whatever it was they were trying to hide. I practiced detachment. I learnt how to look cheerful while under the table I stuck a fork into the back of my hand. I became a virtuoso of deceit. In my parent’s eyes I was a mirror showing them the reflection of everything they have failed to become. I was sent to a strict University, studied psychology and graduated as one of their best students. No, not because I studied hard...just because the higher you climb the ladder of hierarchy in this world, the more buyable people u find.
It wasn’t pleasure, revenge or redemption I was after…it was knowledge. I consulted the strictest moralist to learn how to appear, philosophers to find out what to think and novelists to see what I could get away with…and in the end I distilled everything in one wonderfully simple principle: “win or die”

I went back at the age of 23 and became the haven of many fake-aristocrats that my father knew. I became their psychologist learning secrets, keeping files, thrusting in even deeper in their lame world having the alibi of my vow. I offered them relief and with a few well-chosen words I made them guilt-free till their next exploitation. I became a new, improved, religion-like thing that kept them stable giving them also what their wives couldn’t. I became their lover, their atoner, their confessor.

Do I feel bad with myself? I sometimes do. Human nature you see...but when I get frightened, weak or frustrated I have a place to hide. When I turned 18 my mother gave me a building plot as a birthday present. I turned that into a cemetery. No, I’m not into necrophilia or any other occult knowledge…but people never stop dying and when they do they also keep quiet. They are trustworthy…if you get my drift. In the center of it I built a little chapel and right next to it an even smaller crematorium. It is there where I sit for hours talking to myself, screaming to its heavy stone-build walls and it is there where I hide my secrets…their secrets.

I used to hate my parents. I still do. I used to hate the world they made me live into. I now don’t. That world made me what I am and I somehow am grateful for it. I gave into my lust, my needs, my curiosity, my anger, my greediness, my fears and learnt things others ignore. Ignorance is bliss but knowledge is power and if there is one thing I despise most in this world is weakness; though I live from it. Nothing’s for free and we pay a price for all our choices made. I buy emotions and people with money, and trust with blackmails. If I want something from someone I have it…if he wants to tell he finds that he can’t.

I am now 33 and from what I’ve seen I know for sure that vanity and happiness are incompatible.


Zero/Negative

♚watch them all fall down...domino dancing

Πέμπτη, 7 Ιανουαρίου 2010
it comes in waves.


Οπου να 'ναι ξεκινάει...in waves
μικρά στην αρχή
tsunami στην πορεία
Who will survive is the question
Us it's the answer.
Join us or die.

Definately SURVIVORS!

♚The final task

Τετάρτη, 6 Ιανουαρίου 2010
Defenseless I fall on my knees..fighting so hard to defy gravity that keeps pulling me down with all its strength; trying to weaken me till I drop; till I meet the floor..
It's funny how someone can so easily beat gravity or be beaten by it in a heartbeat.

1)Thoughts:
So many mistakes..emotions that block my logic, thoughts that devour my every living moment and a pain so deep that paralyzes my every move. And all this..keeping me locked in a place filled with an overwhelming sense of dread or impending doom and horror, making my heart pound so fast.

2)The beginning:
My mind is on overdrive..and I suddenly start feeling disconnected from my body; time passes so fast yet I am standing still, feeling unstable in a yet stable environment.
Trying to snap out of it you start to move..scratching the walls around you; and that's when you meet nausea , chest pain , dizziness , uncontrollable trembling , rapid breathing and a tingling sensation of the arms, hands, fingertips, feet and face.

3)Surviving:
Trying to survive it you close your eyes and silence is your only companion through this..
Hearing voices and questions that you just can't answer; your voice is stolen; feeling helpless , chocking on your own saliva you try to stay awake just to face an upcoming paranoia.

4)Living/facing it:
Self control is lost. Muscle aches and pains. Facing the fear of death for no one knows how long..

5)The end:
You suddenly feel a giant hand piercing your chest, reaping out those feelings one by one till all is left is exhaustion and weakness..
You open your eyes facing a blurred vision that proves you are still alive; you are still there;
Trying to figure out if yourself and your soul are intact you face the fact that one tiny part is destroyed.

Is it worth it? Even if I keep surviving these attacks will I lose all thats left of me eventually?

I'm a survivor of my own tests.My final task is here though..finally.
I will put an end to everything. I will decide, I will face, I will end, I will start, I will change, I will forget, I will cry, I will fight my inner demons and I will claim back my peace of mind.
By the end of this week I will have either revived my lost life or died to resurrect and face a new beginning.

Zero/Negative

♚ Happy new year-Countdown

Παρασκευή, 1 Ιανουαρίου 2010
It will be a Happy new year for me cause my other half says so and I believe her.
As for u..I really don't care.
Eat shit and die cause I find u guilty of just about everything..
"In each of your failures, I saw my victory..And each time you fall a knife tattoos a smile"
The Less the better.


Starting my final countdown.If i survive this month and the next two then I will live forever. I'm getting my claws ready cause it's time to crawl myself through the final step..
Then I will climb UP, forcing my loved ones to come with me;dragging them if necessary.

Me and Her..Her and Me
This is dedicated to us..cause we r the true raw models.