♚wishlist

Τετάρτη, 29 Σεπτεμβρίου 2010
Ουρανέ!
Εύχομαι να μου πετάξεις στο κεφάλι
αυτό το "μικρό" και όμορφο "πραγματάκι" που θέλω.
E;;;;;
Pleeeeeeaaaaase??????

♚i nearly lost you there

Κυριακή, 26 Σεπτεμβρίου 2010
Θέλω να ξεράσω(οτι υπάρχει μες στο κεφάλι μου)
να θαφτώ 800 μέτρα κάτω απο τη γη
και να μείνω εκεί.
Εχω κουραστεί να κουράζομαι.
Θέλω να κρεμαστώ απ'το ταβάνι,
απ΄το πολύφωτο.
Να βγώ και να τρέχω στους δρόμους
να κλωτσήσω,να φωνάξω,να ουρλιάξω.
Θέλω να πιάσω επιτέλους αυτό που κυνηγάω
αυτό που τρέχει σαν μουσική
και μαζί με τη μουσική.
Και όταν το πιάσω...
θα το δαγκώσω με όλη μου τη δύναμη!

♚-

Τετάρτη, 15 Σεπτεμβρίου 2010
Που πρέπει να πουλήσω την ψυχή μου πια;
Πείτε μου που;
Γαμώ την πουτανάρα μου γαμώ!!!!!

♚rebound action

Τρίτη, 7 Σεπτεμβρίου 2010
Εαν νομίζετε οτι το τέρας σώπασε
κάνετε πολύ μεγάλο λάθος...
Εδώ είναι όπως πρέπει και όπως αρμόζει παρακολουθώντας
τα πάντα με το κυνηγετικό του ένστικτο,
όλες τις λεπτομέρειες όλα τα βρώμικα και "δήθεν"
καλά κρυμμένα μυστικά...
daaaarlings....

♚the new butcher in town

Κυριακή, 5 Σεπτεμβρίου 2010

♚夢

Πέμπτη, 15 Ιουλίου 2010
I am getting married to a serial killer. He kills me on our wedding day.
My grandmother is happy that i died, my mother cries just before she herself gets
killed by him. His face is full of scars and his soul is black. He wears torn
leather and smells like burnt flesh. He has a white van full of weapons and memories.
He kills my brother but somehow I am smiling. We both died. I am not alone.
My father is absent like always..but I'm not missing him.

I am floating..
Higher and higher..highest than I have ever floated. I pass the clouds and I reach
the moon..but then I fall.
I have some unfinished business down there..

Christine cannot be alone. I go to my funeral and see her crying over my coffin..
I hide behind some garbage and then slowly reach out for her..
Our hands meet and she smiles..: "I know this feeling..I know this warmth"

I see a big dark castle. I am in. A big pyramid of blue neon lights in front of me..a riddle i must solve so as to move on to the next level.
I somehow manage to do it..I didnt want to leave her behind..I stayed here just
for her but now i am here. I MUST get out..so I run.
Darkness..doors..choices..screams..In every corner another challenge. In every
door another riddle that must be solved. My life is in stake..and hers too.
Will my brother be ok?
It's then when I see HER EVIL PRESENCE..: " Do you want to see my face? U have to turn off the lights to see my true face. I am ugly but it was you who told me I am beautiful no matter what.."
I cannot utter a word..I dont want to see it..: "no, no, no"
She turns off the lights and I see it..I am scared to death..my heart beats fast and I start screaming..she cries..her white hair starting to fall.."why?"
Back to the neon pyramid..

I am floating again.
In a hospital I see her dead body..i recognize her from the pure white hair..she had wrinkles. Her lips have silicon and a pink lipstick on..make up all over her face.
She looks beautiful but why? She is dead cause of me..I remember now. I told her to be herself and stop torturing her body.."you are beautiful just the way you are.."
She answered "no..I am not.." Then I told her she has cancer. She didnt cry..but she held a curse and thats why I saw her real face. I had to..and then when theory and practice met I..I......I screamed and yelled.

I am in heaven..a big playground with strange people..old people...I dont belong here. Though I am happy I dont belong here. It's then when my demon appears..
Black leather, black lips, great shape, tall with feminine ways and a snake tongue.
Her lips are stitched together now..she has a strange grin..I smile and I feel happy after such a long time..
I walk towards her. I am feeling a strange sexual attraction..I want to follow her.
"WHYYYYY??? why do u want to go there? DONT GO! there is no turning back!!"..the old men and women screamed..I SMILED and LAUGHED and took her hand after kissing her.
I want to be with her. I want to burn. Lead me..
no unfinished business, no more warring about anyone..
AS HEAVEN ITSELF COMMANDS ME OUT OF ITS LAIR..I FEAR NOT..MY FACE LINED WITH DARKNESS I'LL GO.
HELL OVER HEAVEN.

Zero/Negative

♚Rivotril シルエット・ロマンス

Πέμπτη, 8 Ιουλίου 2010
Blurred vision
Relaxed?
Melancholic
Pushed to the limits
Slowly drifting away
Becoming Powerless
Losing myself to something..new?
Romance
Slow motion
Mumbling
Tears of Joy?
Tears of sadness?
Forgetting memories
Candle light
Freezing
I don't want to let go..
Perfection doesn't exist..I AM LETTING GO.
but then again..it's me..me...it's..me..
so many years.
so many illusions.
It's hard..it's necessary...It's vital.
Should I? Could I? Will I?
Inside I find a black hole..warm and quiet.
There..that's where I want to lose myself in..
Should I? Could I? Will I?
More..more...I want more. I need more.
Freedom, fear, death.

Zero/Negative

♚being yourself scares people away

Σάββατο, 12 Ιουνίου 2010
You are unique in your own beautiful and special way.
They way you dress,style up yourself,pose and stand is a bit
different from the others as it should be.
The way you walk,talk,smoke,eat or even breath has its own style.

Well...wasn't that supposed to be like that?
And not in the "elite" way but in the "each person
is a unique entity" way.

The Beast does not think so...
Being yourself scares people away.
Being uber stylish scares people away.
Being different always scares people away.
If so then what is left for you?
Being the beautiful and tragic king or queen in
your own tragic kingdom?

Oh you foolish petty little people out there...
How you tire me...

♚hello world

Κυριακή, 30 Μαΐου 2010
I HATE YOU

Yasu Hospitalized

Τετάρτη, 5 Μαΐου 2010

It has been determined that yasu will be temporarily taking a break from activities due to the continuing condition of his throat since before Acid Black Cherry's 2009 "Q.E.D." Tour.

(Details)

During rehearsals immediately before the start of the tour, yasu complained of discomfort in his throat, causing him to consult a specialist. As a result of that visit, cysts were discovered on his vocal cords.
As this is a condition that is difficult to heal through natural progression, it was determined that he needed to undergo surgery.
After receiving this diagnosis, we consulted with yasu himself for several days as to the best course of action. Due to his great strength of will, it was decided to proceed with the tour as planned.

However, this aggravated the cysts on his vocal cords, causing inflammation.
Looking towards a long tour, yasu was hospitalized for a few days to alleviate the swelling, which caused us to decide upon canceling the September 12 show at Koshigaya.

During the tour, there were times where yasu had difficulty with his voice, and his condition was nowhere near perfect; but due to the care he himself was making sure to do for his throat, as well as with some help from prescribed medication, he did not see a worsening of his initial symptoms...so he decided to carry on to the final performance of the tour at the Nippon Budokan.

Currently, with the tour at an end, we have once again consulted with yasu himself, who has decided to undergo surgery for the removal of the cysts on his vocal cords to avoid any deterioration of his current condition, as well as the recovery and subsequent medical treatment.

As a result of his complete attention being turned toward his recovery, the show planned for December 24 at Osaka-jo Hall has been canceled, and as for the acoustic shows planned as a special favor for the purchasers of the "Q.E.D." album, we will be postponing them until yasu's throat fully heals, with our deepest apologies.

When yasu's voice recovers completely, he plans to resume activities.

Fanclub members who requested tickets to the Osaka-jo Hall show will be refunded the cost of their tickets and the 500 yen shipping charge.
Please direct all inquiries regarding these tickets to Save Us! via phone (03-5728-1558, weekdays, 13:00~18:00).

While we are aware that we are causing those of you always standing in support of Acid Black Cherry a great deal of worry, we request your support and understanding in this matter

♚ WARNING

Τετάρτη, 28 Απριλίου 2010
My head never rests.
I keep on seeking for answers that only i get to give in the end. O.o
No one ever dares to get involved..no one is allowed anyway.
I set the rules and no one defies them.
This is how it used to be, this is how it is and this is how it will be.

I have no idea of what is meant to be wrong or right, of what is beautiful or ugly..or what are the healthy limits of a mentally stable, creative person.
I understand people's feelings by their reactions. I understand how they think, act,judge, swear,attack, love, cry or lie. I get the drift..i just don't feel it. Somehow i managed to lock myself up and though seeing,understanding and sensing so many things..I don't fit in. They have no influence at me at all. No matter how loud they are yelling, no matter how hard they are trying to force themselves to
reach me, they can't. It's like I'm locked in a room with walls of high safety sound proofing glass. I can observe and understand them but I can't hear a thing of what they are trying to say to me..some of them fortunately know some kind of a sign language so i don't feel alone all the time..
They are the reason why i still have hope.
Not hope that will definitely lead me to some kind of redemption..just hope that i might get some moments of happiness every once in a while.

Being locked in that room is my reality. I have my own rules in here..I have my own perspective of wrong and right, of evil and good, of healthy limits and creativity. I am the judge and trust me i am a really NASTY ONE. I have a clock ticking right next to me..and when the time comes i will drown myself in here.

I DON'T HEAR YOU PEOPLE! so stop acting like retards and stop messing with my classy glass prison.
-Your bare hands can do nothing-
I am a selfish bastard and you are fucking lucky I am in here. You wouldn't want me out..not after being locked for so many years. I easily manipulate you as it is..make yourselves a favor and keep your safe distance.
Unless you have a nuclear bomb in your pocket that is capable of evaporating me, my prison and unfortunately you..don't even try coming near me. In simple words, If you're not willing to die just to kill me out of my misery,
u better enjoy your freedom along with your ignorance that makes you happy :)

At this point you must think I am a total jerk. Well I am, but so are you..and saying those things I said above, just proves how much i love and care for you.
That's right..those aren't words of hatred. Those are words of love.
I fucking adore hating you..but i can't hate you enough without loving you first..and of course I am not capable of loving you if I don't have you alive and well..so I must protect you..and the best way of protecting you
is by warning you about things that might hurt you. For example...things like..me~

In case some silly human read this and still wants to approach me..
..well...you are more than welcome :) as i said..you might be my only hope for a moment of happiness.
Who knows..maybe you will be determined enough to persuade me of letting you in and maybe showing you around my cute little prison..
Know though that this is an irreversible change and you WILL be kicked out sooner or later..and then, not being able to fit into that world you once lived..will eventually kill you :/ or drive you nuts; Either way you are screwed.

Try thinking before acting in this case.
love you all..

ZERO/NEGATIVE

♚please

Κυριακή, 18 Απριλίου 2010
Leave me alone.

♚i thank god for the suffering

-Forgive me father for i have sinned
-Talk to me child...
-I hate the world...i can't breath
i want to hurt them,beat them,make them bleed
the beast is talking to me.
And i wish to release it...
At first i resisted with all my might
i thought it was the devil...
But i kept feelng strongly that it was my pure logic self
talking to me.
Telling me what to do
Guiding me through the dark paths of my soul
All the ancient but basic insicts of what we are
Beasts with logic and emotion
Free will was what God gave us
wasn't it?
-do not be blasphemous
God can hear you my son!
-Yes father he can...
But he can also speak through me...

♚coming back to life

Παρασκευή, 16 Απριλίου 2010
Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of lifeand the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun

PINK FLOYD

♚[ ]

Κυριακή, 4 Απριλίου 2010



the miracle that falls into darkness

In the rather wondrous lonely sky my thoughts that will never die are floating
The cold winds bring the season, my frozen white sigh heralded winter

My voice is in the letter written to you
It wafts down under you along with the white snow...

My heartless words torture you well I suppose until even now it pains you
And in the interior of the pain, the fact was that you continued to conceal a face unknown to me, didn't you?

Without feeling your pain
I was making you suffer alone in the darkness

With you, whom I met in the pure white winter I want it so that the two of us can share the pain
Always, by your side unchangeable, though the seasons cycle again...

In the dreary room I fear that I will lose you as you sink into the void
So that you won't disappear like this
I bounded your limbs, body, neck, and fingertips with red thread
Over and over, again and again, until your movements die off

I feel your existence until it hurts
Your smile that seemed broken was what I noticed first
Our fingertips touched they shiver as if they were freezing

You, looking like you would disappear in the pure white snow; show me the weakness you carry with you
Don't cry, for you are no longer alone let us watch the dream together...
Let us go to meet the waiting sorrowful, white, first blizzard of the season
If this earth should fall to a desolate end let us clasp our hands and walk, the two of us

♚ROCK N ROLL

Πέμπτη, 1 Απριλίου 2010
steady as a rock
but rolling with the wind
in my own pace
with my own rhythms and moves.

♚a tribute

Δευτέρα, 22 Μαρτίου 2010



we must suffer
to free our pain
can you help us
to find our way
you're here to stay
stay here in paradise
I'd end this moment
to be with you
through morphic oceans
I'd lay here with you
only to stay
stay here in paradise
only to stay son
lonely from this maelstrom
free are you
from this maelstrom
to be with you


A tribute to a song that brings shivers down my spine
and takes me to places that i've never been
but somehow belong there.
thank you mr Mc Coy.

Κυριακή, 14 Μαρτίου 2010

♚ Xanax

Πέμπτη, 11 Μαρτίου 2010
Alprazolam, also known under the trade names Xanax (not to be confused with Zantac), Xanor, Alprax, and Niravam, is a short-acting drug of the benzodiazepine class. It is primarily used to treat moderate to severe anxiety disorders (e.g., social anxiety disorder) and panic attacks, and is used as an adjunctive treatment for anxiety associated with moderate depression. It is also available in an extended-release form, Xanax XR, both of which are now available in generic form. Alprazolam possesses anxiolytic, sedative, hypnotic, anticonvulsant, and muscle relaxant properties.

Alprazolam has a fast onset of symptom relief (within the first week); it is the most commonly misused benzodiazepine, however the majority of prescribed users do not develop a substance use disorder.


Panic disorder

Alprazolam is FDA-approved for the short-term treatment (up to 8 weeks) of panic disorder, with or without agoraphobia. Alprazolam is very effective in treating moderate to severe anxiety, essential tremor, and panic attacks. Physicians that elect to prescribe alprazolam for longer than 8 weeks should be aware that continued efficacy has not been systematically demonstrated beyond 8 weeks' use, as tolerance to alprazolam's effects may occur after 8 weeks and necessitate discontinuation or physician-directed dose escalation.However, patients with panic disorder have been treated on an open basis for up to 8 months without apparent loss of benefit. The physician should periodically reassess the usefulness of the drug for the individual patient. Alprazolam is recommended for treatment resistant cases of panic disorder where there is no history of tolerance or dependence.


Anxiety disorder

Alprazolam is indicated for the management of anxiety disorder (a condition corresponding most closely to the APA Diagnostic and Statistical Manual DSM-III-R diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder) or the short-term relief of symptoms of anxiety. Alprazolam is recommended for the short-term treatment (2–4 weeks) of severe acute anxiety.

Alprazolam is sometimes prescribed for anxiety with associated depression. There is some evidence for antidepressant treatment of clinical depression in outpatient settings; evidence for inpatients is lacking. The antidepressant effects of alprazolam may be due to its effects on beta-adrenergic receptors. Other benzodiazepines are not known to have antidepressant activity. Studies show that any antidepressant action of alprazolam is questionable and generally weak in comparison to those of antidepressant medications. In contrast, while alprazolam in acute or short-term treatment may have some antidepressant properties, there is evidence that up to a third of long-term users of alprazolam may develop depression.




Side-effects
# drowsiness, dizziness, lightheadedness, fatigue, unsteadiness and impaired coordination, vertigo
# skin rash, respiratory depression, constipation
# disinhibition
# suicidal ideation (rare)
# urinary retention (infrequent)
# hallucinations (rare)
# ataxia, slurred speech
# short-term memory loss and impairment of memory functions
# anterograde amnesia and concentration problems
# Change in libido
# dry mouth (infrequent)
# increase in appetite
# jaundice (very rare)

Paradoxical Reactions
# muscle twitching and tremor
# aggression
# rage, hostility
# mania, agitation, hyperactivity and restlessness

Zero/Negative

♚archive-hate

Σάββατο, 6 Μαρτίου 2010
I hate your face right now
I can't stand a sight of you
So please
Leave me alone

................


How could this happen
Such change of heart
Now I can't stand to be around you
I can't pet to be this near to you
Don't believe a word I say

♚Mono-follow the map

Κυριακή, 28 Φεβρουαρίου 2010


"the sea is made of our saltwater tears ,he muses.
as the man drifts into a sea lying below.
sunlight separates a path for him to swim
and the currents carry him towards the place where light hits the ocean floor.
despite its warmth these waters are forlorn to him.
he descends lower with his palms together
longing for something that he cannot wholy remember.
the further he sinks,the younger he becomes
and deeper into his memory he travels

on the bottom of the sea,
puzzling shapes and lines scater in all directions
like a treasure map.
pictures of life above water,a mountain,a cliff,a tree,
pave the surface around a young girl deep in slumber.

her face rests peacefully
as if a part of her is drifting somewhere
in another world.
from where he stands,it is all a painting to him.
a portrait of a young girl waiting patiently underwater.

his eyes follow the footprints that lead
from her body to the drawing of a single tree that stands alone.
as the sea currents push forward,he imagines the branches
blowing with the movement of water.
with his finger,he traces a ring around the tree
again and again as if it'd become real before his eyes.

without awakening her,he lies down and closes his eyes to sleep near her,
hoping to meet her there in another place,
another dream,wherever she travels to
in her sleep."

Mono

♚a "sudden death"and a true love

Παρασκευή, 26 Φεβρουαρίου 2010
a "sudden death".
pause.
time stopped turning.
words lost their meaning.

or did they not?
a "sudden death" is occured sometimes
as a result of bad choices
and inevitable mistakes

the cure?
your own strength
your own true love
such as friends and family
friends who are family
people with honest smiles
and a mind of their own.

True love lasts
True love waits


♚a talented loved one

Πέμπτη, 25 Φεβρουαρίου 2010
check his work out

http://spookypxl.wordpress.com/

♚τι κοιτάς ρε μαλάκα;

Δευτέρα, 22 Φεβρουαρίου 2010
τράβα ψόφα

♚the beast dedicates to itself...

Σάββατο, 13 Φεβρουαρίου 2010

♚Θέλω να μπω μες στο πλυντήριο....

Τρίτη, 9 Φεβρουαρίου 2010



Μη με ρωτάς αν φταις εσύ
που η ζωή μου καταστράφηκε
και αν εσύ είσαι η αιτία
που πια δε ζω σαν άνθρωπος
Μη με ρωτάς γιατί τα μάτια μου
πονάνε και είναι κόκκινα,
γιατί όλη νύχτα δεν κοιμήθηκα
κι άργησα πάλι στη δουλειά,
γιατί ξαπλώνω από τις 10
και δεν κοιμάμαι πριν τις 4
Με μείγμα ηρεμιστικών
και Τριανταφυλλόπουλο
κάνω αγώνα για να φέρω
τον ύπνο κάθε βράδυ στο κρεβάτι μου,
μ εκατομμύρια εφιάλτες
που μου τρώνε το στομάχι,
μου γαμάνε το κρανίο,
μου σκοτώνουν την ψυχή
Και το πρωί είναι το γάλα μου
σαν θάνατος βαρύ,
το μεσημέρι το φαΐ μου
πικρό σαν δηλητήριο
Θέλω να μπω μες στο πλυντήριο
και με τα ρούχα να γυρίσω,
να γυρίσω, να γυρίσω,
να χαθώ εκεί, να σβήσω,
να γυρίσω, να γυρίσω,
να γυρίσω ώσπου να σβήσω,
να γυρίσω, να γυρίσω,
να γίνω κομμάτια, ν αυτοκτονήσω...

♚Κούφια

Κυριακή, 7 Φεβρουαρίου 2010
Δ:Είσαι κούφια;
Ν:ναι.
Δ:Καλύτερα δε νιώθεις και βάρος.

♚Η όλγα το κοκκινομάλλικο λιοντάρι

Πέμπτη, 4 Φεβρουαρίου 2010
Ζεί στα βάθη των ινδικών δασών
και κάνει παρέα με τις τίγρεις της βεγγάλης.
Παρά την άγρια φύση της είναι ένα πολύ ήρεμο λιοντάρι
με έφεση στα γράμματα και τις τέχνες.
Πολυταξιδεμένη και περιπετειώδης.
Αλλά ποτέ δεν ξεχνάει τισ ρίζες της.
Περήφανη βασιλισσα της ζουγκλας της
δεν δέχετε εισβολείς στην περιοχή της
αλλά είναι φιλόξενη σε αυτούς που θέλει.
Είναι σπάνιο είδος καθότι αντί για χρυσοκίτρινο
το τρίχωμα της είναι έντονο πορτοκαλοκόκκινο.
Περισσότερες πληροφορίες για την όλγα το κοκκινομάλλικο λιοντάρι
θα βρείτε στο national beastographic.

♚Insomnia

Τετάρτη, 3 Φεβρουαρίου 2010

♚i think i miss...

Πέμπτη, 28 Ιανουαρίου 2010
If your right hand is causing you pain
Cut it off cut it off
If your colours have started to run
Let them all run, run away from you
There is lightning in this room
Above our heads waiting to strike
Im a thinker not a talker
Put your faith, your faith in God

We were hoping for some romance
All we found was more despair
We must talk about our problems
We are in a state of Flux

Id kill for an adventure
Just you and I in the Curzon Bar
Dancing till we knew
So all that we've learnt disappeared
When you shouted at me
I saw my father in the second grade
Concerned and kind
But yet unable to reach me

We were hoping for some romance
All we found was more despair
We must talk about our problems
We are in a State of Flux

bloc party-lyrics-flux

♚mein herz schlagt nicht mehr weiter

Τρίτη, 26 Ιανουαρίου 2010
Θέλω απλά να κοιμηθώ για την υπόλοιπη αιωνιότητα.

♚ Mania Sackville

Σάββατο, 23 Ιανουαρίου 2010
I am Mania Sackville, daughter of a well known judge named Benjamin Sackville and his wife Cecil Valmont daughter of a great businessman. They both were born and raised in London but after they got married they moved and lived in Santa Monica. That’s where I was born and raised.

My father’s favorite word: “cruelty”
I always think that has a nobler ring to it…He draws profits from the most desperate men to the most well-named ones. He makes no exceptions in the name of profit. “Shame is like pain…you only feel it once” he used to say. He redeems others if he wants but also is redeemable as long as you can make him an offer that cannot be ignored.

My mother’s favorite word: “dominate”
“You are a woman. Women are obliged to be far more skillful than men” she used to say. Her father left her everything in his will. She is the heiress of a huge but blood-stained, filthy inheritance she collected with deceit and manipulation.

Religious and strict both of them. It’s religion that attracts the most rotten people after all...giving them the illusion and the comfort they need to ease their guilt and manage to bare their wicked nature.

When I came out into society I was 15. I already knew that the role I was condemned to, namely to keep quiet and do what I was told, gave me the perfect opportunity to listen and observe. Not to what people told me, which naturally was of no interest, but to whatever it was they were trying to hide. I practiced detachment. I learnt how to look cheerful while under the table I stuck a fork into the back of my hand. I became a virtuoso of deceit. In my parent’s eyes I was a mirror showing them the reflection of everything they have failed to become. I was sent to a strict University, studied psychology and graduated as one of their best students. No, not because I studied hard...just because the higher you climb the ladder of hierarchy in this world, the more buyable people u find.
It wasn’t pleasure, revenge or redemption I was after…it was knowledge. I consulted the strictest moralist to learn how to appear, philosophers to find out what to think and novelists to see what I could get away with…and in the end I distilled everything in one wonderfully simple principle: “win or die”

I went back at the age of 23 and became the haven of many fake-aristocrats that my father knew. I became their psychologist learning secrets, keeping files, thrusting in even deeper in their lame world having the alibi of my vow. I offered them relief and with a few well-chosen words I made them guilt-free till their next exploitation. I became a new, improved, religion-like thing that kept them stable giving them also what their wives couldn’t. I became their lover, their atoner, their confessor.

Do I feel bad with myself? I sometimes do. Human nature you see...but when I get frightened, weak or frustrated I have a place to hide. When I turned 18 my mother gave me a building plot as a birthday present. I turned that into a cemetery. No, I’m not into necrophilia or any other occult knowledge…but people never stop dying and when they do they also keep quiet. They are trustworthy…if you get my drift. In the center of it I built a little chapel and right next to it an even smaller crematorium. It is there where I sit for hours talking to myself, screaming to its heavy stone-build walls and it is there where I hide my secrets…their secrets.

I used to hate my parents. I still do. I used to hate the world they made me live into. I now don’t. That world made me what I am and I somehow am grateful for it. I gave into my lust, my needs, my curiosity, my anger, my greediness, my fears and learnt things others ignore. Ignorance is bliss but knowledge is power and if there is one thing I despise most in this world is weakness; though I live from it. Nothing’s for free and we pay a price for all our choices made. I buy emotions and people with money, and trust with blackmails. If I want something from someone I have it…if he wants to tell he finds that he can’t.

I am now 33 and from what I’ve seen I know for sure that vanity and happiness are incompatible.


Zero/Negative

♚watch them all fall down...domino dancing

Πέμπτη, 7 Ιανουαρίου 2010
it comes in waves.


Οπου να 'ναι ξεκινάει...in waves
μικρά στην αρχή
tsunami στην πορεία
Who will survive is the question
Us it's the answer.
Join us or die.

Definately SURVIVORS!

♚The final task

Τετάρτη, 6 Ιανουαρίου 2010
Defenseless I fall on my knees..fighting so hard to defy gravity that keeps pulling me down with all its strength; trying to weaken me till I drop; till I meet the floor..
It's funny how someone can so easily beat gravity or be beaten by it in a heartbeat.

1)Thoughts:
So many mistakes..emotions that block my logic, thoughts that devour my every living moment and a pain so deep that paralyzes my every move. And all this..keeping me locked in a place filled with an overwhelming sense of dread or impending doom and horror, making my heart pound so fast.

2)The beginning:
My mind is on overdrive..and I suddenly start feeling disconnected from my body; time passes so fast yet I am standing still, feeling unstable in a yet stable environment.
Trying to snap out of it you start to move..scratching the walls around you; and that's when you meet nausea , chest pain , dizziness , uncontrollable trembling , rapid breathing and a tingling sensation of the arms, hands, fingertips, feet and face.

3)Surviving:
Trying to survive it you close your eyes and silence is your only companion through this..
Hearing voices and questions that you just can't answer; your voice is stolen; feeling helpless , chocking on your own saliva you try to stay awake just to face an upcoming paranoia.

4)Living/facing it:
Self control is lost. Muscle aches and pains. Facing the fear of death for no one knows how long..

5)The end:
You suddenly feel a giant hand piercing your chest, reaping out those feelings one by one till all is left is exhaustion and weakness..
You open your eyes facing a blurred vision that proves you are still alive; you are still there;
Trying to figure out if yourself and your soul are intact you face the fact that one tiny part is destroyed.

Is it worth it? Even if I keep surviving these attacks will I lose all thats left of me eventually?

I'm a survivor of my own tests.My final task is here though..finally.
I will put an end to everything. I will decide, I will face, I will end, I will start, I will change, I will forget, I will cry, I will fight my inner demons and I will claim back my peace of mind.
By the end of this week I will have either revived my lost life or died to resurrect and face a new beginning.

Zero/Negative

♚ Happy new year-Countdown

Παρασκευή, 1 Ιανουαρίου 2010
It will be a Happy new year for me cause my other half says so and I believe her.
As for u..I really don't care.
Eat shit and die cause I find u guilty of just about everything..
"In each of your failures, I saw my victory..And each time you fall a knife tattoos a smile"
The Less the better.


Starting my final countdown.If i survive this month and the next two then I will live forever. I'm getting my claws ready cause it's time to crawl myself through the final step..
Then I will climb UP, forcing my loved ones to come with me;dragging them if necessary.

Me and Her..Her and Me
This is dedicated to us..cause we r the true raw models.