♚ WARNING

My head never rests.
I keep on seeking for answers that only i get to give in the end. O.o
No one ever dares to get involved..no one is allowed anyway.
I set the rules and no one defies them.
This is how it used to be, this is how it is and this is how it will be.

I have no idea of what is meant to be wrong or right, of what is beautiful or ugly..or what are the healthy limits of a mentally stable, creative person.
I understand people's feelings by their reactions. I understand how they think, act,judge, swear,attack, love, cry or lie. I get the drift..i just don't feel it. Somehow i managed to lock myself up and though seeing,understanding and sensing so many things..I don't fit in. They have no influence at me at all. No matter how loud they are yelling, no matter how hard they are trying to force themselves to
reach me, they can't. It's like I'm locked in a room with walls of high safety sound proofing glass. I can observe and understand them but I can't hear a thing of what they are trying to say to me..some of them fortunately know some kind of a sign language so i don't feel alone all the time..
They are the reason why i still have hope.
Not hope that will definitely lead me to some kind of redemption..just hope that i might get some moments of happiness every once in a while.

Being locked in that room is my reality. I have my own rules in here..I have my own perspective of wrong and right, of evil and good, of healthy limits and creativity. I am the judge and trust me i am a really NASTY ONE. I have a clock ticking right next to me..and when the time comes i will drown myself in here.

I DON'T HEAR YOU PEOPLE! so stop acting like retards and stop messing with my classy glass prison.
-Your bare hands can do nothing-
I am a selfish bastard and you are fucking lucky I am in here. You wouldn't want me out..not after being locked for so many years. I easily manipulate you as it is..make yourselves a favor and keep your safe distance.
Unless you have a nuclear bomb in your pocket that is capable of evaporating me, my prison and unfortunately you..don't even try coming near me. In simple words, If you're not willing to die just to kill me out of my misery,
u better enjoy your freedom along with your ignorance that makes you happy :)

At this point you must think I am a total jerk. Well I am, but so are you..and saying those things I said above, just proves how much i love and care for you.
That's right..those aren't words of hatred. Those are words of love.
I fucking adore hating you..but i can't hate you enough without loving you first..and of course I am not capable of loving you if I don't have you alive and well..so I must protect you..and the best way of protecting you
is by warning you about things that might hurt you. For example...things like..me~

In case some silly human read this and still wants to approach me..
..well...you are more than welcome :) as i said..you might be my only hope for a moment of happiness.
Who knows..maybe you will be determined enough to persuade me of letting you in and maybe showing you around my cute little prison..
Know though that this is an irreversible change and you WILL be kicked out sooner or later..and then, not being able to fit into that world you once lived..will eventually kill you :/ or drive you nuts; Either way you are screwed.

Try thinking before acting in this case.
love you all..

ZERO/NEGATIVE

♚please

Leave me alone.

♚i thank god for the suffering

-Forgive me father for i have sinned
-Talk to me child...
-I hate the world...i can't breath
i want to hurt them,beat them,make them bleed
the beast is talking to me.
And i wish to release it...
At first i resisted with all my might
i thought it was the devil...
But i kept feelng strongly that it was my pure logic self
talking to me.
Telling me what to do
Guiding me through the dark paths of my soul
All the ancient but basic insicts of what we are
Beasts with logic and emotion
Free will was what God gave us
wasn't it?
-do not be blasphemous
God can hear you my son!
-Yes father he can...
But he can also speak through me...

♚coming back to life

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of lifeand the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun

PINK FLOYD

♚[ ]

the miracle that falls into darkness

In the rather wondrous lonely sky my thoughts that will never die are floating
The cold winds bring the season, my frozen white sigh heralded winter

My voice is in the letter written to you
It wafts down under you along with the white snow...

My heartless words torture you well I suppose until even now it pains you
And in the interior of the pain, the fact was that you continued to conceal a face unknown to me, didn't you?

Without feeling your pain
I was making you suffer alone in the darkness

With you, whom I met in the pure white winter I want it so that the two of us can share the pain
Always, by your side unchangeable, though the seasons cycle again...

In the dreary room I fear that I will lose you as you sink into the void
So that you won't disappear like this
I bounded your limbs, body, neck, and fingertips with red thread
Over and over, again and again, until your movements die off

I feel your existence until it hurts
Your smile that seemed broken was what I noticed first
Our fingertips touched they shiver as if they were freezing

You, looking like you would disappear in the pure white snow; show me the weakness you carry with you
Don't cry, for you are no longer alone let us watch the dream together...
Let us go to meet the waiting sorrowful, white, first blizzard of the season
If this earth should fall to a desolate end let us clasp our hands and walk, the two of us

♚ROCK N ROLL

steady as a rock
but rolling with the wind
in my own pace
with my own rhythms and moves.